Representing the Lollipop Guild

Very rarely does one like to admit that aid is needed. Less so when the person in question has been independent and wholly self-reliant for close to 20 years.

Now don’t get me wrong, this is by no means an admission that past aid has not been offered and accepted. But generally the “aid” in question is of the “I am far too lazy to do this” variety and not of the “I am completely incapable of doing this” kind.

It is no secret that I am a staunch feminist and was raised in environment where the mantra “you can do anything you set your mind to” was repeated daily.

Unfortunately, I have now proven these words to be false because I have found the ONE task that I am completely incapable of accomplishing.

I absolutely cannot change the lightbulbs in my house!

Now before we all start with the “how many feminists does it take to screw in a light-bulb” or any other joke of the sort, I feel I should explain.

This is not an issue of my not knowing how to change a lightbulb nor is it an issue of not necessarily having the tools to do said task.

The issue is purely of the genetic variety.

You would think that in 1972, at my conception, a father who was 6′2″ and a mother who was 5′7″ would be able to create a child with the ability to change a light bulb. Apparently genetics played a cruel joke and reached far back to the previous “little” generations and proudly presented my parents with a daughter who is now, at age 35, a whopping 4′11″.

I stand on ladders, on step stools, on phone books, on any other bits that I can find. I stretch and strain and teeter dangerously close to becoming a 4′11″ bundle of broken bones on the floor!

I CAN’T REACH THE DAMN FIXTURES IN MY CEILING!

Help!!! Bring reinforcements!

I am living in darkness and I am too fucking short to change these damn bulbs!

I am begging and pleading…..anyone over 5′5″……please come…quickly. I am on my last candle and am mired in Munchkin Land!