My suitcase is empty

My suitcase is sitting on top of my bed
Flipped open
Empty
There is a pile of clothing smattered around the red edges of the case
My eyes are swollen
Red
Rimmed with tears
The phone call came early this morning.
Change your flight
I did
She was in the hospital
She was doing better
She and I spoke on the phone
Yesterday
And the conversation was about nothing
It filled me with everything
I don’t know what changed
She changed
She’s 90
She’s tired
She’s lived
OH HOW SHE’S LIVED!
A life
An amazing life
I’ve lived my life for her
No further treatment at this time
No pills
No drugs
She won’t even eat
Two tablespoons of soup
Today
That was all
She has been brought home to die
On her terms
She will have it no other way
She’s my hero
The phone has been ringing
The calls from friends
The texts
The messages
I thank you
Talk to me about anything
Take this away from me for a moment
A second
Then let me cry
I am leaving
To go home
To say goodbye
And I need someone to stab me
To punch me
To do anything to make me feel
Anything
But this
She is ready
I am not
My suitcase is empty
Because this is not real
I will try and pack
And fill the red suitcase with things which have no importance
And I hurt
But oh how I have loved
This woman
My grandmother
And so I will leave
With a full suitcase
And a heavy heart
I will return empty