It’s like a whirlpool – it sucks you in and then let’s you go!

My visit to L.A. started with the best intentions. The tickets were purchased a while back and I was heading out to visit family and spend time with old friends. Plans were made…shenanigans were plotted.

And then all hell broke loose and the most amazing person in my life was sucked into a whirlpool of failing health and everything changed.

I boarded my flight on 1/29 with red, swollen eyes and was expecting the worst. Friends rallied around me for support.

And then everything changed!!!!

My grandmother slowly improved.

As each day passes, she surprises and amazes me with her strength.

She is much altered from a year ago…the last time I saw her. But she has been getting out of bed, eating, talking, attempting to work….LIVING!

We have hired nurses for round the clock care. I have been spending almost all my time with her and talking….talking….sharing…..absorbing her amazing energy and spirit.

Fences were mended on this visit…and apologies were given…though apparently unnecessary. There are a few lost years to my life with my grandmother…something that looms and hangs in the background and gives me great shame.

I spent too many years mired in addiction and 2 of those years were spent without any contact with my grandmother. I was lost to the world and lost to my family. I look back on that time and realize the great pain and shame I caused them….and I have spent the past 18 years of my sobriety trying to make up for those years.

Will this be the last good visit? I hope not.

But I have a sense of closure if it is!

She IS proud of me and she does forgive me for something that, until now, I couldn’t forgive in myself.

Today is a good day!

And I will take each day as it comes, one day at a time!